You don’t have to like each other but you still have to love each other

This is what my mom used to say to my sister and I when we were arguing about the name to give our new beanie baby, what movie to watch next, or whose turn it was to play computer pinball– you name it, we probably didn’t agree.

It’s just a 15 word line, and I’m sure you’ve heard it a thousand times if you have siblings– but really let the words sink in. They hold so much meaning we can learn from.

 

The events going on in the United States regardless of race, sex, occupation, financial standing, etc., are not okay.

 

Killing each other should not be a option.

 

Just as Milan and I did not always like each other when we were little, adults don’t always see eye-to-eye or like each other at all. That doesn’t mean we should hate one another over controversial matters, whatever they may be.

 

You don’t have to like everyone. 50% (maybe more depending on the day) of humans I interact with get on my nerves. Still doesn’t mean I want to pick up a gun and kill them. So I repeat: You do not have to like everyone. But you can still respect them, which is the most important form of love we need right now.

 

Killing will not stop until the hate in our broken souls is RESOLVED.

Start resolving in other forms than by blaming and pointing fingers. Start resolving by doing more than posting your opinion on social media.

 

Start resolving by being kind to one another. And remember, we will always have to share the earth we live on regardless if we get along or not. Wouldn’t it be better if we did?

9 reasons I don’t want a boyfriend; and why you should get over it.

Have you ever met an amazing person, found out they were single, and automatically thought “something must be wrong with them”. Don’t act like you’ve never done it. I know I have.

But isn’t it time to get over that stigma?  In the past 7 months with no boyfriend, I have had countless fun-filled weekends with my best friends, focused on my hobbies, and spent time reflecting on myself. And in those past few months I have come to a realization; I don’t want a boyfriend. At least not for now. And here is why:

  1. I can do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. With no one to answer to and no one to argue with. Do you know how nice that is?
  2. I get to spend time with my wide (and spectacular) circle of friends more often.
  3. I’ve been to Vegas twice in the last few months and I am leaving for Mexico next week. Places that I probably wouldn’t have gone if I was in a relationship. Basically, I still get to be selfish for a little bit longer. And at 22 I think that’s completely fair. (P.S. For me to want to stop being selfish with my time, it’s going to take a lot more than a Facebook/text message.)
  4. I’m not putting off my goals anymore. Improving in photography is something important to me, so I am taking a portrait photography class in my free time and it is paying off.
  5. I spent all the recent holidays with MY family.
  6. I haven’t found anyone worth getting off the market for. Yes, there is no such thing as perfection, but there is also nothing wrong with being picky. (*Disclaimer* the line “it’s not you it’s me” IS a real thing, believe me, I’ve gone on dates with awesome guys. Doesn’t mean I want to date ’em.)
  7. I am learning new things about myself. Haleigh took me to a EDM concert for the first time last weekend. Guess what? I loved it. Didn’t even know I’d been missing out on that culture for so long. I like being open to new experiences with nothing holding me back.
  8. I am taking care of my body. Working out and eating healthy are two of my other main goals right now.
  9. My happiness isn’t constantly revolving around another person.  This is a big one for me because in the past I’ve let my boyfriends control my happiness. They could easily steal it away anytime things went south. I feel like this has been my biggest area of growth because I can make my own happiness, and eventually another person will just ADD to that joy.

I feel lucky that I have this time to myself. I know I’ll be a better person when the right guy does come along.

IMG_8367

Why having a best friend is the greatest

businesscard1
A lot has changed in the 6 years between these pictures of me and my best friend, Haleigh:

I finally learned how to spell her name correctly, decided that blonde skunk streak in my hair was a bad idea, and figured out that buying clothes from the buckle isn’t what makes you a cool person.

We turned 18 and went off to college, turned 21 and started going to the bars (legally), and turned 22 which means we are now –unfortunately–trying this adult thing.

We’ve experienced heartbreak, lost friendships, and lots and lots of drunken nights together.

We have worked hard at our friendship–There has been awkward moments, but somehow it has always, always works itself out. And that is the greatest feeling in the world.

I know that pretty much any mistake I make in my life, she will be there for me. And she knows I’d do the same for her.

We moved in together in August and living with her has been awesome. I know I will look back 10 years from now wishing we could go back to these times.

Last night we sat on the couches talking (as we usually do) and then both fell asleep watching OITNB. I was on the short couch so I woke up quickly after and went to my bed. When I laid down in bed, I felt overwhelmingly happy.

How did I get so lucky? I know a lot of girls who don’t have a close relationship like this in their life. I joke around and say that Hay is my second boyfriend but… it’t not a joke. She really is. I ask her opinion on most things going on in my life, and I always will.

I am even more lucky that Haleigh isn’t my only best friend. I have multiple true friendships that I cherish now more than ever.

Put the effort in to keep these type of friends. They are worth it!

“Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you” and proved it.” 

IMG_8367

An Open Letter to the Boy Who Took The Easy Way Out

You broke my heart.

But that’s not what I’m still upset about; Time heals all.

You left me wondering everyday what I did wrong.

But you were so selfish that you wouldn’t give me any explanation.

You thought immediately erasing me from your life would rid you of any heart ache.

And you didn’t care at all about how that would affect me.

During our relationship you said “I love you” too many times to count.

But your actions after it ended did not support that.

You thought deleting me from your life was the only option, but it wasn’t.

I was close with your family. I was close with your friends. And they were close with me, too.

The way you treated me shouldn’t even have been an option.

So now it is clear to me that you are the one with the problem.

You, with the demons you don’t know how to deal with.

You, who doesn’t deserve someone with as open of a heart as mine.

So what I’m still upset about– is that I didn’t think I’d ever have to date someone like you.

The type of person who is so scared of dealing with their emotions that they take the easy way out.

IMG_8367

 

 

Being called “crazy”

Way too often I hear guys sitting around labeling girls that they have dated as “crazy”.  And by crazy, they mean a girl who has texted or called them multiple times in a row, cried or yelled at them about something, or just given them too much attention in general.

A lot of people think being called crazy is negative.  Girls start to feel they are undateable or that they have undesired personality traits.

Well, I am here to tell you that I love being called crazy.

If you have ever been called this, I am SO SORRY you have only dated close-minded, uninterested people that don’t get your personality.

First, being called crazy means that you ACTUALLY care, love, or believe in something or someone in this way-too-often sugarcoated world. Its not that you are crazy at all, it IS this thing called being passionate. Ever heard of it?

Second, being called crazy means that you aren’t afraid to stand up for your own feelings– even if another person can’t comprehend those feelings.

Those who label you in any way are most likely insecure about themselves. They feel the need to place blame somewhere.

So once again, yes. I love being called crazy. I am passionate about everything in my life and I feel sorry for those who can’t express how they are feeling. My high’s are high and my low’s are low. I have so much to give and so much to lose.

Wait for the person who can handle your crazy and don’t change the way you are for someone who can’t.

IMG_8367

 

10 Qualities of Healthy Relationships

Looks like my Master’s Degree is paying off already! One of my millions of assignments for Theories of Human Communication this week was to read the chapter over “Relationships” and teach it to the class.

Ironic because I am probably the last person on Earth that should be teaching others about relationships.

Anyway, as I was reading I came across a list that Carl Rodgers (a 20th century psychologist) theoretically constructed about what a healthy relationship possesses:

  1. Communicators are perceived by one another as trustworthy, or consistently dependable.
  2. They express themselves unambiguously (AKA clearly)
  3. They possess positive attitudes of warmth and caring for the other.
  4. A partner in a relationship keeps a separate identity.
  5. A partner permits the other to do the same.
  6. The partner accepts the various facets of the others’ experience as communicated by the other person. (AKA they aren’t disapproving of the others past)
  7. The relationship is marked by empathy, in which each attempts to understand the feelings of the other.
  8. The partners respond with sufficient sensitivity to create a safe environment for personal change.
  9. Communicators are able to free themselves from the threat of evaluation from the other. (AKA they feel free to say anything without being judged)
  10. Each communicator recognizes that the other is changing and is flexible enough to permit the other to change.

The relationships that I view as “healthy” in my life have EVERY single one of these qualities. I think about my best friend and how much both of us have experienced and changed over the years. We are so different from each other and instead of growing apart, we have embraced these qualities and have created a friendship that will literally last forever.

If you are in a relationship, whether it be a family member, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, etc. and none of these qualities are present– get out of it! Everyone deserves healthy, happy relationships because in the end– that’s all that we have!

IMG_8367

A young person’s view on being a mom

I am not a mom yet, but someday I want to be and there are lots of reasons why. My mom is single handedly the best person on this earth (next to my dad and Ellen Degeneres) and I want my kids to see me –as a see her– someday. DSC_0656 copyShe is such a good grandma, too. I don’t know how hard being a mother is. Probably extremely hard. You never get any sleep, you have someone, other than yourself, to worry about 24/7 and patience is NOT my strong suit. My sister, whom is very much like me– only a lot better in that she is kind, thoughtful, and extremely caring for others– is also a mom to two perfect little babies who I call my niece and nephew. photo(Adorable, amirite?) Even though Kylie juggles work, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of Brogan and Gatlin, she still finds time to be an amazing sister and friend– all qualities I want to possess when I become a mom. —–P.S. She had no clue this was stuck to her foot the other day when I was with her:

sitcker

 1. It is a sparkle sticker that probably got stuck there while she was cleaning one of the thousands of messes she has to clean up each day.

2. We have never laughed so hard in our lives because it took her 5 minutes to notice it even after we told her. Kylie: “What?.. what are you talking about? My toenails?” Me: “No.” *laughing hysterically* Kylie: “What?!?! This blister I have” Me: “NO!!! No, look!” *Laughing so hard I’m crying* She eventually noticed… LOLLLLL.

3. This is another reason I know being a mom is stressful. So busy you don’t even realize a pink and purple dragon-fly has been stuck to your foot for the last 12 hours… (And it probably would have stayed there for much longer if we didn’t notice it for her.)

A lesson that I’ve learned from both my mom and sister is that being overwhelmed, being broke, and being worried– is totally worth it. Getting to be a mom is something I see so many girls take for granted, which is something I hope I never do. I am not anywhere near ready to be a mom. Waiting until I can fully support a child mentally, emotionally, and financially is extremely important and remembering that there is no reason to rush the process is something I have to remind myself of, so that I don’t get myself into a situation I can’t handle. My friend Haleigh, who is wise beyond her years, always makes a valid point when the topic of parenting comes up. “No one ever stops to think about how their decisions are going to affect the kid, they just think about themselves.” Having children is such a blessing and I have some of the most amazing teachers to learn from, once I am ready. I know what it feels like to have a mom that loves me deeply, provides for me, and is there for me anytime I need her. This is exactly the type of mom I want to be someday, and the type I think every mother should strive to be. Signaiture